Yesterday, I was sustained in Stake Conference as the Stake Young Men's Second Counselor. This past Wednesday, I received a call from John Standage asking me to come in to see President Smith and to bring Nichole with me. Well, initially I told him I could without realizing Nichole had plans for us on Wednesday night to go see her sister, Elena, who was here from out of town with her husband, Rick. But, then I had to call John back and change the interview date to Saturday at 6:30 just before the adult session of stake conference. I went into the interview not really knowing whether the interview was for me or Nichole, although I suspected it was for me. President Smith extended the call to me to which I hesitantly accepted. I mean, I said, "I believe so". I didn't even say "yes!" Even my response to him was half-hearted. He had said that the whole stake presidency and high councilors had all felt good about this call. Inside, I had been struggling lately up until I had been released as scoutmaster at the end of December. I have felt burnt out and just wanting a break. I had been initially called as an 11-year old scout leader, then the scoutmaster, then into the bishopric as the counselor overseeing scouting, upon my release from bishopric being called to first counselor in the ward young men's and as the Varsity Coach, then released from that into the deacons when the ward split as the scoutmaster again. So, basically for 11 years straight I have been involved with scouting. I love the youth, but my heart was not into it anymore. My love for scouting has somewhat dwindled for which I am ashamed to admit. I think basically due to the time commitment of scouting. I had given my whole heart and soul for so long, that I just felt it was someone else's turn. I had just felt burnt out. At the beginning of the year, I was released as scoutmaster with the new change in policy with the boys advancing and staying with their group based on age group as opposed to birthday advancement. I was thinking I could move on to do something different. In fact, I have just received a call in the Elder's Quorum as the Compassionate Service leader...yeah, that exists in our ward. Now, I got called to basically be the leader of scouting for the whole stake. At this point, I definitely need to change my attitude and heart and desire. I was not expecting to receive this call. I have been so busy with the scouting calls that I really thought someone else was going to have their turn with it, and I could move on to do something different. God has a sense of humor, and He is definitely challenging me with this. I love the Lord and the youth. I will need to soften my heart and submit my will to His. These stake callings are for numerous years, so I better get on board. I should not have felt like this, but it was my honest feeling. I was not excited to receive this call, nor was I thinking this would happen. This is definitely the natural man in me, and I feel that I am a disappointment for feeling the way I do. I mean, I should be on a spiritual high with the upcoming opportunity to get to be affiliated and work with so many good people, youth and adults. I cherish my Saturdays to do my own things like training and things around the house. Hopefully, my attitude will change and my heart softened as I immerse myself in this new opportunity. I am lucky and blessed. Not many have this opportunity to be a part of something like this. I am scared of feeling I won't do my best or give it my all with my whole heart into it. I promise My Elder Brother that I will love Him and love the youth of the stake and the adults with whom I will serve. I will be sustained as I give of myself. This call will not be about me. Rather, it will be about making a difference in the lives of youth...and, I'm sure mine will be blessed along the journey
