Valentines

 For Ava and Eli , I got some see’s candies chocolates that I got with Melissa while she was shopping for her parents, $20 each, roses which I end up putting in a potato chip can to use as a vase 😂 And, I had Brad and Calvin over for dinner the day after on Sunday night for a spaghetti dinner with the 5 of us

I had told myself I was gonna get reservations more than a month ago for a nice restaurant, but then I had procrastinated until just 1.5 weeks ago to reserve a spot. We ended up going to Macaroni Grill in South Jordan and stayed at the AC Marriott in downtown. Melissa was so beautiful in her green sundress, her double braid. She jokes she’s losing her and her hair has gotten thinner as a result of the medications. I picked her up at 3:00 and we were going to go bowling. But, we decided to end up resting at the hotel for a little bit before heading over to Macaroni Grill. We opened up things we got for each other. She got me Butterfingers (she’s noticed I love revert to this candy bar), Tupperware cuz she knows I don’t have any, a book Hacks of Life cuz she realizes I read her same book at her house everytime I go over to her parent’s house, lip balm cuz I always ask her to use hers and never have my own, truffles cuz she’s sweet, an awesome smelling candle and a beautiful heartfelt card wrapped up in a cute heart tote bag. She is so thoughtful always looking for meaningful gifts

I wrote my sweetheart a heartfelt letter, a special flower arrangement from Flower Patch, a puzzle of a picture of us from Hawaii and a massager cuz she has been suffering from hamstring pain

I feel so connected with Melissa. When we first got to the hotel before heading out to MG, we snuggled in the bed for a few. I love embracing and snuggling but when I start to twitch cuz I’m falling asleep, she tells me to get on my side with a chuckle. We sat chatting at MG for 3 hours. It’s mainly me listening to her and her life stories. I’m jealous how she can recall so many stories and the details of each situation.

 I had a good chuckle cuz I jokingly told her she was stuck with the skinny pictured guy when she could have had a bodybuilder boyfriend

Skiing first times

 Eli said this is his new favorite sport. This last Sunday we had his first lesson. Mine was 2 weeks ago cuz Eli couldn’t come last week with me. We signed up for lessons with Snowbasin. Eli was a complete natural catching on like he’d been skiing forever. It’s nice to bond over something we can both enjoy. Melissa told me she was jealous cuz skiing allowed her to have some awesome and bonding moments with Asher. And now, she’s hoping to come skiing with Asher along with me and Eli

I have been feeling some strong anxiety the past month with Melissa. I have been insecure due to her strong stance against getting married. On the one hand I understand because of the trauma she experienced with her two ex husbands (infidelity with both and narcissistic husbands the abuse). But, my feeling of marriage is that it shows commitment and a willingness to fully give oneself to the other. So, I’ve been nervous when I’m with her intimately and has caused performance anxiety. We even went to Little America on Friday night and I just could not perform. I’m so attracted to Melissa but I could not get an erection. My body was completely shutting down and rejecting the chance to be with her. Melissa is so amazing that we got together on Saturday afternoon to go to Scheels and get shoes together and then she also got a reservation to The Cliff restaurant in Draper. We had a great and open conversation about all that’s going on with us and continued the conversation even back to my house. She told me one thing during our conversation that resonated. Even though she doesn’t want to get married right now because she associates marriage with trauma, it doesn’t mean she’s not committed. She’s loyal with me, will not cheat on me or date anyone else. Marriage was just a piece of paper. She doesn’t need a piece of paper to indicate her level of commitment. From opening up entirely with each other and expressing our vulnerabilities together we felt super close with each other. Melissa totally initiated the sex on Saturday night. She wore her gray set of pajamas from VS with no bra and half buttoned. She looked so damn sexy with her chest exposed a little bit. To just snuggle with her and feel completely loved by her and to be in her arms is so intoxicating and fulfilling. She satisfies my whole being and desires. To just caress, touch and feel her perfectly shaped and tear dropped breasts fills my whole body with fire and desire for her. How soft her skin feels and admiring her sexuality fills me with passion. As I thrusted her from behind with her letting me just fuck her hard, I enjoy just gazing at perfection as I admire her perfectly shaped ass, touch her huge titties and feel her abs and toned arms and soft long hair. It felt so good to gain some confidence back with the love of my life. It was so intense to feel and see her orgasm as her legs just quivered and shook with excitement. I love seeing her ab line go straight up from her pussy through her breasts. She is so feminine, she is so amazingly beautiful and sexy. I feel like I could fuck her all day long every single day. I’m so attracted to Melissa with all my soul