I have been feeling some strong anxiety the past month with Melissa. I have been insecure due to her strong stance against getting married. On the one hand I understand because of the trauma she experienced with her two ex husbands (infidelity with both and narcissistic husbands the abuse). But, my feeling of marriage is that it shows commitment and a willingness to fully give oneself to the other. So, I’ve been nervous when I’m with her intimately and has caused performance anxiety. We even went to Little America on Friday night and I just could not perform. I’m so attracted to Melissa but I could not get an erection. My body was completely shutting down and rejecting the chance to be with her. Melissa is so amazing that we got together on Saturday afternoon to go to Scheels and get shoes together and then she also got a reservation to The Cliff restaurant in Draper. We had a great and open conversation about all that’s going on with us and continued the conversation even back to my house. She told me one thing during our conversation that resonated. Even though she doesn’t want to get married right now because she associates marriage with trauma, it doesn’t mean she’s not committed. She’s loyal with me, will not cheat on me or date anyone else. Marriage was just a piece of paper. She doesn’t need a piece of paper to indicate her level of commitment. From opening up entirely with each other and expressing our vulnerabilities together we felt super close with each other. Melissa totally initiated the sex on Saturday night. She wore her gray set of pajamas from VS with no bra and half buttoned. She looked so damn sexy with her chest exposed a little bit. To just snuggle with her and feel completely loved by her and to be in her arms is so intoxicating and fulfilling. She satisfies my whole being and desires. To just caress, touch and feel her perfectly shaped and tear dropped breasts fills my whole body with fire and desire for her. How soft her skin feels and admiring her sexuality fills me with passion. As I thrusted her from behind with her letting me just fuck her hard, I enjoy just gazing at perfection as I admire her perfectly shaped ass, touch her huge titties and feel her abs and toned arms and soft long hair. It felt so good to gain some confidence back with the love of my life. It was so intense to feel and see her orgasm as her legs just quivered and shook with excitement. I love seeing her ab line go straight up from her pussy through her breasts. She is so feminine, she is so amazingly beautiful and sexy. I feel like I could fuck her all day long every single day. I’m so attracted to Melissa with all my soul