Ethan was amazing yesterday. He called me up and said he wanted to go for a drive together. So he came over early afternoon and we drove down to the park and walked the track. He wanted to express to me how much he loved me and his mom is concerned was he just wanted to let me know he was there for me while going through the divorce. We talked for at least an hour. He wanted to talk the financials through with me. I got to appoint during this time with Nicole, trying to view the reasons of divorce from her perspective. I have to put myself in her shoes. By doing this, I am able to cope, and you understand why she needs to break up with me. And yes, it tears me up And renders me without oxygen, but I can understand why. The reason is because it would be impossible for me to express myself in any capacity to a man like I can do so easily with Nichole. Any expression of love, physical contact, cuddling, holding hands, expressions of intimate conversation, etc. would just be in fathomable for me to think I could do that with another man. I think people can’t understand is that she has been doing this for nearly 29 years. At this point, I can only think thoughts of thankfulness that she has been able to indoor this long of a companionship together. As my eternal vow for Nicole, I will support her as much as I can. Ethan asked me to review and understand alimony. He wants me to know that it is OK for me to divide up our assets, but we need to figure out together what will be fair for both Nichole and me so we both can have a future.
After going on a walk with Ethan, Nichole and I went to go see my mom and dad at the assisted-living center. We had a good visit with mom and dad and on the way home Nichole kept telling me that she would be happy and that it would make her happy if I were to find another woman that I could be completely happy with. I take solace in knowing that Nicole has given herself to me as much as she possibly could. She has nothing to forgive, and I am so thankful she has let me be a part of her life in such an intimate way for almost 29 years.. She is definitely the better person than me out of us two. I will love her for eternity. If it makes Nichole happy, I will try to open my heart to another in the future
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