Nichole and I went on a date last night to Mi Ranchito. It was so nice. I love just hanging out together. The hard part about all of this is that we do love each other. She does love me. When I left for work yesterday morning, she was in Eli’s room on his bed. I gave him a hug goodbye and then Nichole a hug. When I told her I loved her, she said back to me, “I love you, Dennis.” She sincerely does love me, but just not a romantic and sexual love. She does want us to stay linked and be a family. She doesn’t want to give me up. She just wants a woman that she can be a romantic couple and partner with to share all the pieces of love with. The idea is to add someone to the family.  She does not want to abandon me. She reaffirms with me that she will always be there for me. Basically, we continue forever together linked as family and best friends, not lovers.  We are still partners like on a team, but just playing different roles moving forward. I will remain positive. Not in light of trying to remain together as a romantic couple but rather as partners working together to keep all in the family happy and taken care of

I’ve gotta get over these feelings and emotions of rejection and betrayal. To go from being my forever to not wanting to be together when everything seemed well. This is so heartbreaking and is just tearing me apart. How do I get over this constant nagging pain in my chest and heart. I know this is denial, but it’s because I’ve always felt we were a team. We’ve been constantly communicating for the last 10 years getting to this point of knowing the source of all this pain which is the church and its teachings and policies regarding homosexuals. The church’s only options to return to live with God as a gay person is to be celibate and single or marry someone of the opposite gender. We have drawn so close and have had so many tender moments reinforcing our love for God and each other for someone who is gay. I’ve never thought through this whole experience that Nichole would want to separate or divorce. This is such a deep sadness and a terrible burden and sadness for Nichole. Where will the healing come from? Just the thought of Nichole being sad that she is with me in lieu of another is just hard to take even though I know her hurt is not aimed at me. She is deeply saddened that she missed out on having true love with another woman with whom she could have had completely natural affection instead of having to put forth unnatural effort. I will continue to love Nichole without any conditions and keep moving forward with hope and optimism